within 3 weeks

i'm walking along the side of the shore.. it's almost sunset and i'm eager to see the one of the most wonderful mysteries of nature. then there's a girl seated at the far side of the beach.. you can see from afar her rosy, fair skin with a brown and long wavy hair... she looks in my direction, smiled and glances back to where she's looking at...

And at this moment in time, i feel gloomy... my whole morning has been a filled with tears.. and i still am now...


3 weeks ago
7:00am

i woke up and thought of texting her..i want to tell her something...

“good morning! have u eaten your breakfast?? see you at school... i love you!^^,”

no reply....


8:30am

i texted her again...

“where are you? i haven't seen you since our morning assemly.. are you ok? i want to tell you something...”

no reply...


8:54 am

she texted me..

“i'm sorry...”

I replied:

“what are you sorry for? where are you? why didn't you inform me that you'll not go to school today? pls reply.. i want to tell you something...”

no reply...


12:00pm
lunch time...
i texted her..
“happy lunch and eat well!”

still, there's no reply...

at that time, i felt that there must be something wrong..
what happened?? i'm really worried.. she didn't even replied in my texts... all she said was i'm sorry... what for????


12:33pm

“where are you? are you sick? why are you not replying to my texts?? i want to tell you something”

at last! she replied..

“im sorry... i haven't informed you that i'll be visiting my grandfather today.. i'll be gone for a couple of days,.. i hope to see you as soon as i got back...”

at least i felt relieved. but i still felt that there's something wrong.. and i don't know what it is... there's still something that i want to tell her...

i replied..
oh i see.. i'll miss you! i love you! tell me when you already came back.. there's something that i want to tell you... see you soon!^^,


no reply...


3:15pm

dismissal time.. i went home filled with wonders in my head. Though i know i shouldn't doubt on what she said to me.. but i can't avoid of thinking that there's still words left unsaid.. “ i have to text her again” i said...

“hello.. how's your grandfather? is he ok? can i visit him?”

she replied:

“i'm sorry,.. but you can't.. he told me not to bring someone with us when we visit him.. he wants to be alone with his family... i'm sorry...”

I replied:

oh,.. ok,..i love you! im missing you already... and by the way.. just tell your granpa to get well soon! take care!^^,


that was the last text that i received from her...after that message, she did not text me again..


weeks have passed.. but she still haven't texted me...i'm worried,.. i wonder how's her grandfather?

“how's you grandfather?”

no reply...

i miss her so much.. it has been two weeks alredy since she left... i want to see her but i don't know where and how.. i still haven't told her something that i want to say...


3rd week (present week)

i texted her.. as usual..

7:00am
“ hi, Good morning! im missing you badly! when will you come back?? I LOVE YOU... i hope to see you soon”


she's still not replying..



7:00am(1st week)
“good morning! have u eaten your breakfast?? see you at school... i love you!^^,”

i did not reply...

i want tell him something.. but i know that if i'll do that, i might hurt his feelings..
so i better keep it to myself... i still love him..but... i don't want to hurt him...

8:30am
“where are you? i haven't seen you since our morning assemly.. are you ok?i want to tell you something..”

i did not reply..

i wonder what he's going to tell me??
i want to tell him where i am,. but if i'll tell him,.. i might hurt his feelings,..
so i better keep it to myself... i still love him..but... i don't want to hurt him...



8:54 am
i texted him..

“i'm sorry...”

he replied:
“what are you sorry for? where are you? why didn't you inform me that you'll not go to school today?pls reply.. i want to tell you something...”

i wonder what he's going to tell me??
i want to tell him everythin...but if i'll tell him,.. i might hurt his feelings,..
so i better keep it to myself... i still love him..but... i don't want to hurt him...


12:00pm
lunch time...

“happy lunch and eat well!”

i did not reply...

i wonder what he's going to tell me??
i can't eat.. i don't feel like eating... i want to tell him everything...but if i'll tell him,.. i might hurt his feelings,..
so i better keep it to myself... i still love him..but... i don't want to hurt him...


12:33pm
“where are you? are you sick? why are you not answering my texts?? i want to tell you something

i texted him for the 2nd time:
“im sorry... i haven't informed you that i'll be visiting my grandfather today.. i'll be gone for a caouple of days,.. i hope to see you as soon as i got back...”

i wonder what he's going to tell me??...
i feel guilty... i want to tell him everything... but i'm afraid that i'll just hurt his feelings... so i might as weel keep it to myself..i still love him...but i don't want to hurt him...

am i being selfish??


3:15pm

our dismissal time..
“hello.. how's your grandfather? is he ok? can i visit him?”

i replied for the last time:
“i'm sorry,.. but you can't.. he told me not to bring someone with us when we visit him.. he wants to be alone with his family... i'm sorry...”


am i that selfish?? i feelguilty... i want to tell him everything... but i'm afraid that i'll just hurt his feelings... so i might as weel keep it to myself..i still love him...but i don't want to hurt him...


i can't use my cellphone anymore after this moment..
i want to text him.. but i can't.. I STILL LOVE HIM... but i don't want to hurt his feelings...

i want to tell him everything.. but i can't...
i might not be able to go back... they advised me to stay in my room.. i love him... i want to see him...



7:30am wednesday(present week)

i received a text message from her..

“can you come at our house? i'm her mother”

her mother?? what the!! why is she using her phone?? what's happening??

i replied:
ok ma'am,.. may i know where she is?? i've been texting her everyday since she left.. but she hardly replied...

her mom replied:
she's here.. just come... i want to tell you something...




i wonder??

“hmmm... at last! i can tell her what i want to say..

i hurriedly went to her house and brought some things with me..
i miss her so much! i just want to see her soon!

when i arrived at her house, i immediately saw her mother in black..
their house was filled with flowers and candles... as if someone died..

and then i remembered that my girlfriend's grandfather was sick..

i went to her mother in their porch and told her my condolences...
she hugged me tightly and cried so hard...

“i guess this is not the right time to tell her this...” i said to myself.

“she wanted to tell you everything, but she's afraid that you might worry so much that you'd set aside your studies if you'll find it out.” her mother told me..

“wh,..why?? is there something wrong in knowing that her granfather WAS sick?”

“she told that to you?”

“yes ma'am.. but what's wrong with that?”

“she lied to you.. her grandfather was a;ready dead..”

“yes.. i know that already.. isn't it obvious right now?”

“oh son,.. yes,.. he's already dead... but....”

“but what ma'am??”

“she was sick... and she did not tell it to you cause you might get worried.. she doens't want you to see her like that”

“whe...where is she?? can you take me to her??”

she held my hand tightly while telling me to stay strong..

we went inside the house and she took me to my girlfriend...

at first i thought i was just mistaking... but then, when i saw her... i did not even had the chance to take a deep breath.. i was shocked!

i don't really know what to feel...
i want to shout at her.. but her face looked innocent to what just happened...

i'm mad.. i know i am,.. but not to her,.. im mad to what had just happened!

her mother cried ad told me that her daughter never intended to hide it from you.. but she's afraid that she'll ruin my studies and my future... she told me that i want to graduate with honors and achieve my dreams so bad.

“but,. everything is not important if she's not with me! everything that i've dreamed of is about us about her! i told her mother while crying out loud...

“it's too late now. too late... now i can't even give this to her... she can;t even see what i'm holding... i love her very much! she told me she'd come back to see me! but all this time,.. she was sick! i should have helped her!”

“it's not your fault son,. she loved you very very much.. she always talked about you.. about how you look like,.. how you've met.. all that she said was about you.. and about how much she loved you!. i hope you'd understand why she did not tell you that she'll die soon... because she doen't want you to see her suffer.. she loved you,. and it'll hurt her more if she'll see you hurting because of her...”

i did not speak after what her mother had told me... everything's clear now,..
but still i can't understand why she did not tell me before that she's sick..
i love her so much!

“i'm planning to propose to her today,.. infront of you.. but i guess it wont happen,..”

her mother just hugged me tightly..

“she's fine now,. she can rest peacefully,.” said her nother..

i stayed there ovenight with just thinking of what happened, of our past, of our memories together, of her... everything!everything about her and the times that i'm with her...

friday(present week)

2 days after her death,..

it's time to say my last goodbye..
everything was so gloomy,.. everyones crying..

and then i bid my last goodbye to her before she leave..
“ wait for me,.. i'll see you there when the time comes! i'll miss you!i love you,.”


4:28pm
(a day after the burial, present time)

i'm walking along the side of the shore.. it's almost sunset and i'm eager to see the one of the most wonderful mysteries of nature. and then there's a girl seated at the far side of the beach.. you can see from afar her rosy, fair skin with a brown and long wavy hair... she looks in my direction, smiled and glances back to where she's looking at...

it's just an imagination.. i thought i saw her... i miss her so much! and i wished that i told her that i want to marry her.. but it's too late..

but, at least she's fine now,.. she can rest well..

“i love her.. i miss her..”

until we meet again..


by: Patricia V. Aquino